Because i'm not crazy
by Just.Another.Indie.Kid13
Summary: Basically, this is my fail attemp at humor it's very sarcastic. The whole 'gang' have problems and are in a rehabilitation clinic. AH. It has swear words in. Edwards pov until someone suggests otherwise.


Idea-Edward sneaks into the back of Bella's garden and they sit on the swing on a willow tree, talking.

**Well hello there fanfictioners of the world. Well, not really the world, I'm not that good ;) Anyway, here is my first story for fanfiction my saucy little otters, I really dooo like reviews so y'know :D I've just taken up 8 pages of word document for your pleasure, so I hope you actually like it.**

**Umm please read, just a little bit? Just a teeny weeny bit of a yellow polka dot bikini? **

**FANKS.**

**Disclaimer: These are not my characters – bar Daithi (pronounced DARHEE) and Natalie – I do not own the others, they beeeeelong to Stephanie Meyer.**

Chapter one. Day 1.

The sign read 'Rehabilitation Clinic for the Mentally Ill'. So this is what it came down too.

My parents have finally decided my sister and I are mentally ill. I mean, I can understand why they're sending my Kleptomaniac sister – Alice – here, but I kind of considered myself as a Sherlock Holmes, not a Mad Hatter.

My parents just think I'm crazy because I like a challenge. I didn't know that was a crime.

"Edward, just get out of the god damn car!" My mother Alison shouted from the boot, where she was unloading our suitcases.

It was no use fighting anymore, I've argued my point for a long time, but as much of a social genius I am, I couldn't figure out how to break them. So I guess I'd have to live through whatever torture was performed here. It's only for around 70 days, I think I can survive.

I opened my door and climbed out the car, leaning against the door after shutting it.

My mother came from around the boot and dropped my suitcase in front of me.

"Honey, be good, for me?" She murmured as she kissed my head.

"I see no point." I said coldly.

She sighed and went over to Alice to say goodbye.

I looked away and walked through the gates to hell.

As I walked to the main building I noticed all different types of kids hanging around, looking at their schedules and room assignments. It would have looked like a completely normal school if I hadn't known better, and if there wasn't two shady looking kids sitting on the wall, one was a tall teenage boy with a blonde mop of curly blonde hair covered by a black beanie hat, he had dark circles around his eyes and was counting a load of notes.

The girl sitting next to him was a younger teenager and despite the mop of brown curly hair on her head, you could tell they were related, she was searching through her bag, and occasionally bringing out a different colour can of what looked like spray paint.

I put my head down and carried on walking, if they were trouble, I do not want to be seen looking interested in anything they are doing. The last thing I want to do here is make friends.

By the time I had crossed the courtyard and reached the main building, Alice had caught up with me.

I was not a great fan of my sister and apparently that's something we also needed to work on while we were here.

I headed to the reception desk with Alice following like a lost dog behind me.

"Hello, can I take your names please?" The smiley freckle faced woman said from behind the desk.

"Edward and Alice Mason." I said, slightly annoyed with her chirpiness. It seemed genuine, to work with a bunch of delinquent and perhaps crazy kids and to keep a smile on her face- she must be mad. She obviously saw other people's problems as worse than her own, that way she could feel better about herself.

I know. I'm deep.

And whilst thinking about that, I could also catch my sister out for trying to steal the pen at the front desk, while the receptionists back was turned.

I grabbed Alice's wrist.

"Shit Alice, you need to stop stealing to get out of here faster. And the faster they believe that you're cured the faster they will realise that I don't _actually_ have something wrong with my head."

"Whatever Edward, you need to learn to take a risk or two in your life." I released her wrist.

"Alice, I know why you steal, you do it to get attention. You are sly enough to know when you won't get caught yet somehow, someone always finds out. And you like it that way."

"And why would _I_ be the one needing attention?" she fired back a harsh whisper.

"Because you're short." I smirked and looked back up just as the receptionist turned around with our schedules and information about our dorm assignments.

"Here you go, the dorms are to the left side of the main building." She pointed out where we were meant to be going for our group counselling meetings and then to the fastest way to the dorm rooms.

I followed her instructions and walked to the boys dorms. I opened the door to see three bunk beds in the room and only two people standing there talking.

When I walked past them they stopped talking and looked at me.

"Hey, pick a bunk over on either of those two bunk beds, first come, first serve." The taller tanned boy said.

I shoved my suitcase on the top bunk of the beds on the far side of the room, then leaned against the post and put my hands in my pockets.

"Hey I'm Quil, that's Seth." The taller one said.

"I'm Edward." I replied before taking out my schedule.

_9:00-10:00 – Group Counselling. Room Gc2. Mr and Mrs Cullen._

_10:00-10:50 – Music. Room Mu5. Mrs Farraway._

_10:50-11:40 – English. Room E6. Mr Bursford._

_11:40-12:30 – History. Room H7. Mr Jones._

_12:30-1:10 – Lunch_

_1:10-2:00 – Individual Counselling. Room G2i. Mr Cullen._

_2:00-2:50 – Physical Education. Gym. Mr Coates._

_2:50-3:40 – Trigonometry. Room Ma2. Miss Rush._

_3:40- End of school day._

The bell rang signalling first lesson.

"And so the torture begins." I muttered.

"Seriously, it's not that bad. They think I'm somehow messed up in my head for 'chucking a dog off a building' I didn't by the way, it jumped when it saw a bird fly by, but anyway if I even look a little bit funny then they'll just take me out of classes for the rest of the day." Seth smiled.

"Seth, you _always_ look funny. Wait no. Maybe funny's not the right word? Ugly maybe?" Quil smirked.

I laughed and then walked off into a different direction to my first period.

Group Counselling. Well this should be fun. I'm apparently in a group with my sister, and some other siblings that have problems of their own and just have problems with each other.

I walked in the door and saw I was the last one there.

I took the last available seat and looked around the group.

I was sitting right at the edge of the semi circle, across from a short ,mousey girl who had her head down, dark brown hair hanging over her face, next to her was a big guy with the same dark brown hair, but with huge muscles that you could see through his t-shirt, the sweat bands he had on his wrists barley fit him. Next to him was the tall thin guy I saw sitting on the wall and his sister was still next to him. Alice was sitting next to her nervously fidgeting; next to Alice were a tall blonde girl and a younger looking blonde boy.

As I was scanning back through all the faces, two adults in white coats came into the room and introduced themselves as Dr Carlisle Cullen and Dr Esme Cullen. They would be the ones 'helping' us.

Bullshit.

"Ok let's start with introducing ourselves and telling the others why your here." Esme said brightly. "Starting with you." She said and pointed to me.

"Pass." I mumbled.

"Okay, why don't we get back to you? Next, who are you, how old you are, why are you here and a little bit about yourselves?" Carlisle said to the blonde boy sitting next to me.

"I'm Daithi Hale, I'm fourteen, I'm from Ireland and I'm here because I'm a pyromaniac." We all looked at him.

"Is it safe to have him in the room with us?" Alice asked worriedly.

"It's perfectly safe; I don't set fire to buildings or people." Daithi narrowed his eyes at Alice.

"Then what do you set fire too?" The girl who was sitting on the wall earlier asked. She looked genuinely interested. This school was messed up.

Daithi looked at her, smiled and then tapped his nose.

"Okay, moving on." Carlisle chuckled nervously.

"I'm Rosalie Hale, I'm seventeen, Daithi is my brother and I'm here because I steal cars." The tall blonde girl said.

"What, toy ones?" The beefy caveman guy smirked.

Rosalie just sent him a death glare.

"Next?" Esme asked.

"Hi, I'm Alice Mason, I'm sixteen and that's my brother – Edward - over there. The one that wouldn't talk because he's a moody twat. Oh! And I'm here because I'm a Kleptomaniac." The pixie smiled.

"It's nice to meet you Alice, I would prefer if you wouldn't refer to your brother like that though please. Next?" Carlisle said.

"I'm Natalie Whitlock, I'm thirteen and I'm here because art is unappreciated." She mumbled sarcastically whilst crossing her ankles and shrinking down in her seat.

"Um, Natalie? That's not really the full story is it?" Esme raised her eyebrows at the girl.

"I come from a family of con-artists and I spray a few walls. You expect me to come out perfect?" Natalie sniped.

"No, I just hope to help you." Esme spoke calmly back, and then pointed to the guy sitting next to Natalie.

"Hi, I'm Jasper, I'm eighteen, Natalie is my sister and I'm also here for being a con-artist."

Esme nodded, smiling. She was obviously already falling into Jasper's con-trap, and she probably doesn't notice but I think she's falling into Natalie's too.

"Next." Carlisle said.

"I'm Emmett Swan, I'm eighteen and I'm here because I cut myself." He's bright smile slightly faltered when he said why he was here.

Carlisle pointed to the last person in the group.

"I'm Bella Swan, I'm sixteen and I'm here because I belong in the nut house." She spoke with the same Scottish accent as Emmett.

"Bella, don't say it like that. You're ill, you can't help it." Esme touched Bella's arm, but Bella flinched away.

"Oh yeah? Go tell my Dad that."

Esme went quiet and an awkward silence hung in the group.

"Ok, so you may have realised you all have a sibling in this group, well we are trying to help sort out the problems between you all, so each of you can explain what's wrong with the relationship between brother and sister." Carlisle said. "Who wants to start?" Alice raised her hand and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Go ahead Alice, what's the problem between you and your brother?" Esme smiled.

"Well where do I start? I mean, come _on!_ Look at him! He just annoys me so much, he's moody, he's anti social, he corrects me on everything I do wrong, he is not the 'big brother' I ordered! Big brothers are meant to be kind and help you and be over protective when you talk to boys, but it's like he just doesn't _care_. Like he doesn't even know I'm _here_!" Alice was speaking ridiculously fast so that everyone seemed to have a confused look on their face, still working out what she said.

Carlisle was just nodding.

"Okay, so Edward. What's wrong with Alice?"

I snorted. "What _isn't _wrong with Alice?" I said sarcastically back to Carlisle.

He just gave me a stern look. "Edward, be serious please."

"Fine. Well first of all, everything that she said there, that was complete bullshit. The big brother speech was truly heart warming Alice but you and I both know its crap. I look out for you all the time. When you're with me and you steal something, I risk my arse just trying to put it back for you. Half that stuff you don't even need! You just do it for attention."

"Why do you think Alice want attention Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Because she doesn't get any from our parents, apparently we're not good enough for them, so they gave up caring. And the fact that she's short. She likes attention because she doesn't think people see her from all the way down there." I smirked and someone chuckled in the room, I think it was Natalie.

Carlisle looked surprised when I turned to him. "I didn't realise Alice talked to you about that sort of thing."

"She doesn't, she's just easy to read." I shrugged.

"Why are you in here again Edward?" He asked.

"Because my parents think I'm crazy." I smirked again.

"Okay let's move on." Carlisle pointed at Natalie.

"I honestly have no idea why people think Jasper and I have a problem with our sibling relationship. He's my partner in crime man." Natalie said in a calmer voice than earlier.

Esme sighed. "The fact that he's your partner in crime is the bad bit. He's a bad influence on you, plus, you might be getting too dependent on each other."

"Bullshit." Jasper muttered.

Carlisle warned him and then said he would talk to the two privately later.

"Moving on." He pointed to Rosalie.

She sighed. "The only problem he's got is the fact that he's a complete delinquent. No one can control him; he just likes to do the opposite of what people say."

"That's stupid." Daithi spat.

"So are you but we can't seem to change _that_ either." Rosalie fired back.

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Calm down and let Rosalie talk." Esme said to Daithi.

He made a 'pfft' sound and Rosalie carried on.

"Well, our parents have tried everything to stop him skipping school, then they gave him a homeschooling tutor, but he just snuck out the house. _Then_ little Daithi decides he likes fire and we just can't stop him now."

"What does Daithi set fire too?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, he sort of blows cars up... for fun." Rosalie furrowed her brow.

Daithi just grinned.

"Okay. Well we'll have a talk about that in your counselling session later Daithi and we'll carry on with the other sibling relationship problems tomorrow. For now, we're going to put you in pairs, so that if you want to talk about something and either Esme or I are busy then you can go to your 'buddy'." Oh Carlisle was just enjoying this damn thing to friggen much.

"Okay, so the two youngest in the group, Daithi and Natalie, you can be a pair.

Jasper and Alice? Ok, you can be a pair too.

Rosalie, you can go with Emmet, and that leaves Edward and Bella." Esme said. "Well that concludes our session for today, same time tomorrow. Go to your next lesson now." The bell rang and we all walked out to our next lessons.

Music, Mu5. Mrs Farraway.

Music was my best subject, when I was five I asked my parents for a piano and then taught myself. When I was seven I asked them for a guitar and I taught myself. After a while I could play nearly every instrument I could think of. Apart from the brass instruments, I was not too keen on learning them.

Mu5 was the last door on the left of the corridor that read music. Jasper was right near my next lesson so we walked together. He was taking History in the humanities corridor, next to the music one.

"So my partner is your sister?" He tried to start a conversation.

"Yeah, I actually feel sorry for you." I smirked.

"Pah! _I_ feel sorry for _you_. You've got Bella, she barely talks to anyone. Apparently she's here because she went crazy a couple of months ago."

"Jasper, they think _I'm_ crazy, they might have just got it wrong. I personally think she's probably just neglected by someone, or she gets bullied. Judging by the way Emmett cuts himself, I say they're both here because they're depressed."

"What are you? A psychiatrist? How do you know all of that stuff?"

"I'm not mad, I'm just clever. I can read everyone just by the way they act. Like your sister for example, she's sly, really sly, she's leading Esme to believe in her just so that she can con her into thinking that there's nothing wrong with her. She just does it in a sneakier way than you. You however, you just put on the charm and Esme falls for it anyway, but she's knows something's up."

"So what are you saying I should so?"

"I say, make it look like you are troubled, so that when you start acting all normal again then they'll notice the change."

"I might do just that." Jasper smiled and we walked in silence the rest of the way across the building.

I waved goodbye as Jasper and I went our separate ways. There was a line outside of the music room with a variety of different looking kids in it.

I placed myself in the back of the line and waited in silence until the teacher came out.

She was a short, fragile looking woman, with trembling fingers.

I don't blame her for trembling, anyone would be scared by the gang of messed up teenagers outside of her class room.

"Come in now, sit in any seat." She said shakily whilst she held the door open for everyone.

One boy even spat at her feet as he walked past. Pink suede shoes with a dollop of spit on. Attractive or what.

She just looked down adjusted her glasses and then ignored it.

It's great, she looks so happy to be here.

I walked into the classroom last and sat down on the unoccupied piano stool.

I looked around the room and spotted Quil sitting near the front.

Mrs. Farraway walked slowly to the front of the room and began to take a register.

Woooo.

I took another look around the room as people answered their names. Half the class were emos. I can tell already that this class will be so lively.

Yes, I am very sarcastic.

It's sort of a bad habit.

"Edward Cullen?"

"Yes miss." I replied, bored.

When she finished taking the regester she just let us explore the music department, there was a recording studio and a room full of guitars and a drum kit and there was a room of procussion instruments, for those singers that couldn't actually play a real instrument.

I headed for the piano while everyone headed for the guitars or the drum kit.

I had to admit, piano was my favourite instrument.

When I started to play a piece that I had come up with recently, Mrs. Farraway spotted me and walked over, standing next to the piano until I finished.

"Did you compose that yourself?" She asked, she spoke more calmly than she had done before.

"Mmmhmm."

"What grade are you?"

"I don't do grades."

"Oh." She replied, and then walked away, looking embarrassed.

What a great conversation.

Ok, Alice might have been right about the whole 'anti-social' thing, but hey, I only do it when I have something more interesting do to than strike up a conversation with someone that has no relevance to me whatsoever.

With that, I went back to my piano playing and was left in piece for the most part of it.

When the bell for second lesson rung I grabbed my bag and headed out of the door as quickly as possible. So much for music being my favourite subject.

I walked out the music block and then took a left down a corridor o English. I had this lesson with Jasper, I suppose con-artists aren't as bad as I initially thought they were. Wow, that sounds so much like I'm being conned.

I walked down the English corridor, right down the end to E6.

The door was open so I walked straight in and picked a seat next to Jasper.

There was a young looking man at the front, one of those 'fresh out of uni' types I reckon.

He had placed potted plants with floppy leaves on all of the window sills and there were movie posters and even a cyanide and happiness comic strip across the walls and cupboards.

When all the seats were full, Mr. Bursford closed the door and turned his attention to the class.

"Hello, for those of you newbies starting this term, I'm Mr. Bursford." No shit. "And I will be your English teacher this year. I'm going to start with handing out the marked versions of the papers the others gave in before term, the new people can talk amongst themselves for now on."

He finished with a smile and grabbed some papers from his desk before handing them out.

"Well done Jessica, A+ this time for very _imaginative_ ideas." He smiled at Jessica when handing her paper, she just winked.

Yup, she was _definitely_ sleeping with the teacher.

When he'd finished handing out all of the papers, he taught us about Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.

I'd done it before so I just doodled in my book for the rest of the lesson.

When the bell rang, I gathered up my stuff and headed out the door with Jasper.

"I'll see you at lunch?" He asked.

I nodded and walked off to History.

It wasn't my best subject. I mean, I was good at all my subjects but I just did not enjoy History.

I walked through the door of the History room and took an empty seat at the back.

Five minutes into the lesson, Rosalie walked in.

"Ah, you must be Miss. Hale? You're late." Mr Jones said, and then pointed to the seat next to me at the back. "You can go sit over there for today."

She flopped down in the seat next to me and took out her notepad.

"Hi." She whispered with a smile. Maybe she wasn't as scary as I thought she was in counselling.

"Hey." I whispered back. I asked Rosalie why she was late and she told me all about her being in the workshop.

Rose may come across as a blonde bimbo but she definitely isn't. We had a long discussion about cars and at the end she even let me copy her notes.

She found out that I could play the piano, and I found out that she could track any car, steal it, and then drive it over the border within twenty four hours.

The bell rang and I walked to the dining hall with Rose.

It was a huge hall, filled with about fifty tables and six times as many kids.

It wasn't as big as the school that I had been to before, but it was how-ever-many times more intimidating.

I saved us a table while Rose went to go buy lunch.

Jasper walked in with Emmett and I waved them over.

"Hey Edward, we didn't get to talk earlier." Emmett said with a huge grin on his face.

"Hey." I replied, trying to be friendly. My mother bought me up with manners you know.

"Have either of you seen Rose? I never realised how fun it was to wind someone up this much." He smiled deviously.

"She's over in the dinner queue."

I chuckled as Rosalie rolled her eyes when she saw the caveman coming towards her.

Jasper sat down on the opposite side of the table to me, then waved over his sister and Daithi.

"Hey guys." Natalie said when she sat down, itching her face with multi-coloured paint-stained fingers.

"You've been spraying already?" Jasper inquired with a smirk on his face.

"In my defence, the walls here look REALLY boring. A little colour livened them up." She smiled.

"Most graffiti is swearing on a wall. Mine, is art!" She continued.

I nodded, with a smirk on my face.

Rosalie got back from the dinner queue with Emmett so I got up to go join it, Natalie decided to join me.

"Why are you in here if you're not crazy?" She asked. "It's been annoying me all day."

I rolled my eyes. "It's only lunch. But anyway, I'm only here because this _thing_ happened."

She raised an eyebrow. "_Thing?"_

"Yes, thing. But I'm not going to tell you what it is until you tell _me_ what the 'full story' is."

"What 'full story'?" She asked, confused.

"Y'know, Esme said that 'that wasn't the full story'"

"Oh that. Maybe some other time." She shifted her eyes away from me and grabbed an apple and a banana muffin, then cut to the beginning of the line to pay.

I chuckled and grabbed my own lunch.

When I finally got back to the table, Bella and Alice were sitting in the spare seats.

There was only one seat remaining so I sat in it.

"Seriously, there are _so_ many more things you can do with a milk bottle than with a ray gun!" Emmett defended himself against Daithi.

"Yeah but it's harder to kill something with a milk bottle than with a ray gun."

"NOT TRUE."

"Is too true."

"Is not."

"Shut. UP." Rosalie was sitting in the middle of the two and was getting fed up of the argument.

The pointless, pointless argument.

"Whatever Rose." Daithi shrugged back in his seat and pouted.

Natalie chuckled at him.

"It's not funny." Daithi mumbled.

"Oh, I think it is." She smirked.

Daithi pushed his chair away and got up. Walking towards the doors.

"Oh Daithi, calm down, I was only having a laugh." Natalie called after him as she followed him out of the door.

We were in silence, still looking at the door.

"Well, it's nice to see their getting on." I said sarcastically, breaking the silence.

The bell rang and we all got up and walked to class.

I knocked on Dr. Cullens door.

"Come in." He called.

I opened the door and walked into the office.

He sighed when I sat down in the chair.

"So, Edward. Have you been talking with your partner yet about anything? OR has she shared anything with you?" He asked.

"She hasn't even talked to me. She sat across from me at lunch but she didn't talk to anyone. Not even Alice." Carlisle nodded and wrote things down on his clipboard.

"Is there anything you _want_ to talk about?"

"Not particularly, no." I replied dryly.

Carlisle sighed again. "Edward, I can't help you if you don't help me first."

"No offence Carlisle, but you're a complete stranger, and as my Grandma always 'Don't talk to strangers'. So although I am now, in fact, talking to a stranger, I am _not _prepared to share my inner most thoughts and deepest feelings with one, so until I know you better I think I'll leave this session and wait till my next class." I stood up as I was talking and was now at the door.

"Oh and Carlisle, thanks." I said sarcastically and closed the door on a dumbfounded looking Dr. Cullen.

I pushed open the main doors of the building and stepped out into the sun.

There was a slight breeze, but a warm one.

I walked over the grass to where the wall met a hedge.

The whole of the building was surrounded by either hedge or wall, so I figured that there might be a gap between the two.

I fought with the scratchy twigs in the hedge but the gap was just big enough for me to squeeze through.

On the other side of the hedge was a stream, surrounded by a wood. I could have guessed as much, we crossed over a bridge just before we turned into the nut house.

I sat by the stream and threw twigs in it.

I don't know how long I sat next to the stream but I heard a bell wring from where I was.

Sighing, I got up.

I guess PE waits for no-one.

**A/N: Well? What do you think? :D This is my first story for fanfiction, so be nice.**

**Okay so really if you want to know what's wrong with Bella right now, I can honestly say, I have NO idea what-so-ever. I just haven't come up with anything yet.**

**Yeah, so anyway, Review? Giggle/snort, I like them :)**


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